MyCouponsBlog

«	August 2008	»
					1	2
3	4	5	6	7	8	9
10	11	12	13	14	15	16
17	18	19	20	21	22	23
24	25	26	27	28	29	30
31

Wheel Of Fortune!

mycoupons | 13 April, 2007 06:30

It’s funny how people can react so differently to the same exact situation.

On one side of the spectrum, you have calm, cool and collected people who assess a situation, develop a solution and jump into action.

Then you have me.

I do not deal with adverse situations or emergencies with any sort of decorum or calmness.

Quite the contrary.

If one of my children falls, I immediately run for the phone to call 911. I never actually dial, but it is my first instinct. I have been branded by my family as “Worst Case Scenario’ a trait I inherited from my mother.

I not only assume the worst is going to happen in any given situation, but once faced with a situation occurring I freeze like a deer in the headlights.

Case in point- My family was gathered around my brother’s dining room table, eating a lavish meal in celebration of my father’s 60^th birthday.

My mother asked my brother to please pass her a napkin, which he attempted to do. On the napkin’s voyage across the table, it came in contact with the flame from a candle on the table, and went up in flames. My brother threw the napkin, and it landed on his cloth covered dining room chair.

What happened next took place in a matter of seconds, although it felt like everything unfolded in slow motion.

Every single person at the table reacted in some way.

And none in the same way.

My brother, Mr. Calm immediately ran to fetch a fire extinguisher.

My father, Mr. Over-reactor, threw a glass of red wine towards the fire, totally missing the flames, but managing to add a nice stain to the carpet and nearby chairs.

My niece, Ms. Oblivious, kept eating her steak.

My mother, Mrs. Freak-out, started yelling for someone to call 911.

My grandmother, Mrs. Checked out of reality in the late eighties, kept talking about her optometrist and his dog.

Then there was me. I froze. All I could do was act as the informer of the group.

I sat, watching the flames, and was able to do only one thing.

Repeat the word “Fire” over and over again.

To hear my brother tell it, I sounded like Butthead from Bevis & Butthead.

Once the flames were extinguished and the damage controlled, we were all able to laugh about it, but I still wonder to this day WHY I froze.

Scientists tell us that as humans we have a ‘Fight or flight’ reflex. When faced with an adrenaline pumping situation, we make an unconscious choice to either deal with the issue or run away.

My husband set off the alarm to our house a few weeks ago. It was close to 1am. I was blissfully asleep, and he was taking the garbage to the curb. He forgot he had set the alarm already and opened the door.

The piercing wail of the siren scared me out of bed, naked as the day I was born. In my half-asleep state, I was unsure what was happening, but I knew I was scared.

Seeing the open front door, I went running. Straight onto the front porch, while my husband was in the laundry room disabling the alarm.

Once the cool night air hit my exposed skin, I became aware of my surroundings and realized I was standing naked on the porch. My husband came running to me, and asked what I was doing.

All I could answer was “Alarm! Woo-Woo, Alarm! Woo-Woo.”

I guess they need to name a new reflex after me.

The ‘Sit with mouth agape and babble like Rain man’ reflex.

Until we meet again,

Cici

Cici@MyCoupons.com

It's better to have loved and lost....

mycoupons | 06 April, 2007 06:27

It used to be that February was my favorite month of the year.

Girls in green vests knocking at my door, offering up their goods were a welcome site.

I had it down to a perfect science. Three boxes of Thin Mints, four Caramel deLites, three Short Bread and some Peanut Butter Patties thrown in for good measure.

The recipe for a year long supply of Girl Scout cookies was born.

Come delivery day, which was always around Valentines Day, (Coincidence? I think not!) the first box of Thin Mints wouldn’t see the light of day. I would devour the entire box in minutes.

The rest of the cookies would go to the freezer. Safe and secure, suspended in animation until my next binge would call.

Life was good. I had a stockpile of cookies.

Then, in late February of this year, there was a knock at my door. It was the neighbor’s kid. She was selling cookies for her band. Did I want to buy some?

Feeling like I was committing adultery, I browsed her catalog of Otis Spunkmeyer cookies.

Knowing my freezer was overflowing with the goodness that is Girl Scout cookies, I decided to buy one box.

She’s my neighbor’s kid. She has an older brother who likes to Tee-Pee trees. I figured buying a $12 box of cookies from his kid sister would spare me and my trees the shame of being covered in Charmin.

She delivered the cookies yesterday. A big tub, containing three pounds of frozen, uncooked, pre-formed triple chocolate cookies.

Pre-heat the oven, place the cookies on a baking sheet, bake for 16 minutes and voila! Instant cookie.

I made a batch last night.

I am standing here before you to tell you that these cookies are the nectar of the God’s!

Moist, yet crunchy on the edges. Sweet, yet not too sweet. Each bite was like a piece of heaven.

I saw the neighbor’s kid today, I motioned for her to come over. When she did, I asked if she could get her hands on any more of the stuff. She could see my trembling hands, and the hunger in my eyes.

She was sad to report that the fundraising was over. There would be no more cookies until next year.

Broken and depressed, I went inside and ate a box of Caramel deLites.

They were ok.

But, they weren’t Otis.

I have now known true love. I will never be the same.

I will be tying a yellow ribbon around my trees this week, and they will remain until Otis and I meet again.

Of course, those trees will probably be Tee-Peed soon.

Until we meet again,

Cici

Cici@MyCoupons.com

Come fly with me

mycoupons | 30 March, 2007 06:30

A world class jet-setter, I am not. I fly, on average three times a year. I never go to exotic destinations like London or Cape Town.

Nope. I go to Philadelphia, Denver, and Las Vegas.

On planes, like all other aspects of my life, I always get the shaft. I inevitably sit next to the smelliest, gassiest, largest person on the plane.

So, when I read of Rachel Collier being kicked off of a Continental Airline flight for COUGHING, I was a bit ticked.

What I wouldn’t give to sit next to someone that was coughing.

A cough, even a dry, hacking, put a pillow over her face cough has to be better than what I have experienced while suspended thirty-five thousand feet over our great country.

In 2000, my husband and I took a red-eye to Los Angeles. Of course, I was not seated next to my husband. I was 9 rows behind him. He fell asleep before take off.

I, on the other hand was seated next to Don Juan himself. He started with small talk, I explained I was on my honeymoon. He then told me his life story. By the time we were somewhere over Arizona, he had had too much drink and was crying like a baby. He then asked if I was a member of the ‘club.’ (The mile high one) When I told him no, he inquired if I wanted to become one.

Believe it or not, that was mild considering what I have experienced while in the friendly skies. I have been vomited on, cried upon, and once spent six grueling hours sitting at the gate in Philadelphia while the plane was de-iced. They wouldn’t let us get off the plane, heck, they wouldn’t even let us stand up.

That is truly the closest I have ever come to going completely and totally shitzo. And to add insult to injury, I was sitting next to a woman who was experiencing minor gastrointestinal distress. She made no excuses, or even attempts to mask her malady. She did, however, apologize.

At least I had that going for me.

But of all flying stories I have, by far the one that goes down in history is the time I was en route to Las Vegas. The weather was horrible, the turbulence was abundant, and I was sitting next to a man who was convinced we were going down.

To ease his fear, he drank himself into a comfortably numb state. I was relieved when he fell asleep, even though his head was on my shoulder. I was reading my book when he woke up, turned to me and said “Are we in Denver yet?”

Confused, I explained we were not going to Denver, we were going to Las Vegas.

He laughed at me and said “Funny.”

It hit me that he was not only extremely drunk, but very confused.

He fell back asleep and when we touched down, I stood up to get my bag from the overhead bin. He was still fast asleep and snoring. As I exited the plane, I told the flight attendant that the guy in row 12, seat B was still sleeping.

She glanced back at him, then said “Oh, that’s one of our Captain’s. He just got off an international flight and we are giving him a ride back home.”

Nice.

Needless to say, every single time I board a plane now, I look at the Captain.

If I ever see Captain Morgan sitting at the controls, I am going to stage the biggest coughing fit I can muster.

Until we meet again,

Cici

Cici@MyCoupons.com

Ode to my mother

mycoupons | 23 March, 2007 06:30

I remember standing in the kitchen when I was six, the smell of Nestle Tollhouse cookies filling the air. I was licking a spoon covered in cookie batter. (We weren’t afraid of salmonella back then!) My mother was standing over the sink, washing dishes by hand. She was wearing a beige apron covered in yellow flowers, and had her long brown hair pulled into a tight ponytail. I remember thinking she was the most beautiful, smartest person I would ever know.

Then I turned into a teenager. My mother suddenly became covered in warts, and lost her brains. She didn’t know anything, was totally un-cool and everything she said was meant to annoy me.

Her unfortunate turn lasted well into my teenage years and my twenties. Somehow, miraculously, once I turned thirty- she became beautiful and intelligent again.

I am penning this article late on Thursday night, as my mother’s suitcase is packed by my front door. She has been visiting me this week, and is leaving in the morning to go home.

Having my mother visit is like having Mary Poppins and Nanny McPhee here for a week. Somehow when she leaves, my children are better behaved, my house is cleaner, my refrigerator is full, my closet is updated and my Tupperware is all straight.

My mother can make my children do things that the world’s top child behavior specialists could never dream of.

Last week my daughter would gag at the thought of eating the crust of the bread. I would spend time carefully ripping the crust off of bread before serving her. God forbid I missed a quarter of an inch of toast, and my daughter would boycott all forms of carbohydrates for a week.

Mom arrived on Monday, and by Tuesday breakfast, Lauren was happily crunching away on her crusts. Lauren asked me this morning if she could have extra crust on her bread!

We have been out for lunch everyday this week, and my son has sat quietly and happily through every meal. Usually taking my almost two year old to a restaurant is only possible if the establishment offers paper hats or singing rodents. Somehow with my mom here, my son has turned into a perfect dining companion.

My bath mats are turned sideways, my toilet paper is folded under not over, there are no dishes in the sink, and no laundry piled on the floor of the laundry room.

My patio is clean, my burned out light bulbs are changed, my toilet seat is tightened, and both of my children have new window treatments.

My seven year old dishes and silverware have been replaced with brand new sets. My linen closet has been organized and rotated. I have a brand new fire engine red vacuum cleaner in my closet that actually works.

A mere five years ago, I would count down the minutes until my mother would be leaving- we had a forty-eight hour rule. A mere minute over spending forty-eight hours together, and the bickering would begin. Bickering would turn into fighting, and fighting would turn into crying and yelling. Now I am counting the minutes until she comes for her next visit.

While she will always be my mother, she has become my best friend and confidante.

Funny how life comes full circle- my mother is once again the most beautiful, smartest woman I know.

If you will please excuse me, I am going to go spend the last couple of hours before her flight telling her so.

Call your mother!

Until we meet again,

Cici

Cici@MyCoupons.com

Idiot Phone

mycoupons | 09 March, 2007 06:30

I'm going to have to kill him. It's the only thing that will make me feel better.

He is a child in a man's body.

He is my husband.

I have coined a new phrase for anytime someone does something stupid- 'Pulling a Joey'

Example: Did you see that guy trying to get the ball off the roof by throwing a BROOM at it? Instead of knocking the ball down, the broom went right through the living room window! He pulled a Joey!

Wanna know what he did now? He lost his cell phone.

AGAIN.

For the third time since January 1st.

Want to know HOW I know it's the third time? Because our cell phone insurance only covers TWO claims per calendar year, and we have already used them both.

Here it is the 67th day of the year, and he is working his way towards phone number FOUR.

But,the karma Gods were looking kindly upon me this week.

I found the phone today. Wanna know where?

Nope! Not in the freezer, or the pool, or the car.

It was in the very last place I would expect it to be!

Minneapolis, Minnesota!!

Minnesota, you say? How did it get there when you and Mr. Forgetful live in Florida?

Well, you see, every once in a blue moon I trust Joey to do something. It's always something small. Never anything that can possibly cause him or others bodily harm, and especially never anything that has to do with money. Just small, little tasks that make him feel important.

About three weeks ago, I sold a $10 item on eBay.

"Joey, we are out of packing tape, will you please take this box to work, and seal it up? It's already paid for, just tape and drop in the mailbox."

Seems simple, right?

Not so much.

If I had a monkey and a bunch of bananas, I could have trained him to follow those directions. Monkeys learn quickly.

Evidently having a Master's degree puts you one step below monkey.

Joey forgot.The box sat in his car for a week. I was none the wiser until a very irate buyer emailed me asking for his package. I checked the delivery confirmation- it showed as waiting to be mailed.

JOEY!!!!!!!!

Of course he forgot. There was probably a parade going by with pretty colors. He tends to get distracted by pretty colors.

So, he got it out of his car and mailed it. I refunded the buyer the cost he paid for shipping- as a token of my appreciation for his understanding. End of story.

Until my phone rang this morning.

"Hi, this is Tom- you sold me a widget on eBay last month."

OH CRAP.

"Yes, Hi Tom, is everything ok?- The delivery confirmation shows as delivered."

"Yes, the widget is perfect. But I am a little confused. You also sent me a cell phone- maybe by accident?

Tom lives in beautiful Minneapolis. Tom was now the proud owner of Joey's one month old cell phone. Tom was nice enough to empathize with me when I explained that my husband had been in charge of mailing his widget. Tom is sending the phone back to me- via priority mail- at my expense. Selling that widget has now COST me a little over a dollar.

My mother used to sew my mittens into the sleeves of my winter coat- she affectionately called them 'idiot mittens.'

When the phone returns home from the cross country roadtrip, I am going to sew it to his head.

Until we meet again, ( Leave comments or I'm not coming back!)

Cici

Cici@MyCoupons.com