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I shaved my legs for this??

mycoupons | 20 March, 2007 06:34

I am going to share something very private.

What I am going to tell you may shock you. It may send an image to your brain that you will not soon erase. It may make you wish you had stopped reading right here.

I do not shave my legs.

I have not shaved my legs since 1999.

I do not, however, have hair on my legs. No, no, I was not born a hairless monkey. I get my legs waxed.

It is my guilty ~~self-inflicted, gut wrenching horror~~ pleasure.

It all started in the summer of 1999. My friend, Nicole was going to get her legs waxed and invited me to join her. I watched in utter disgust as the esthetician smeared hot wax on Nicole's legs and then placed muslin (fabric) over the wax. Nicole hardly flinched when the woman ripped a foot long piece of fabric off her leg.

the esthetician asked if I would like to go next.

My memory escapes me, but I believe my words were

"HELL NO!"

Actually, I am quite certain there was an expletive in there somewhere.

Nicole promised it hardly hurt, if at all. She raved about the smoothness of her legs, and the freedom she felt of tossing her razor in the garbage pail! No longer shackled by the chains of shaving cream and razor burn, she was free at last!

With enthusiasm like that, how could I resist? (Are you seeing a pattern here? Remember Sara and the Zicam?)

So, I made an appointment. When I booked the appointment, it was for a month later. I had to abstain from shaving for the next month!

In hindsight, I probably should have waited for a more appropriate month, like February, to make such a vow.

But, it was June; my appointment was for July 5th. I would be celebrating America's freedom and my freedom from leg hair all within a 48 hours period!

July 5th arrived, and I looked like a Lillith Fair attendee. My leg hair had grown past the 'gross' stage, and was now in the 'That's her lifestyle' stage. As I walked into my appointment, I could actually feel the wind blowing through my leg hairs.

Gina, the esthetician called me back, and had me get on the table. I lay down, and she asked if I was ready. Ready?! Yes! Nicole said it would hardly hurt, if at all.

Gina started by smoothing warm wax on my lower right calf. It actually felt nice. She was using a very large popsicle stick, and gently spreading the wax. Then Gina took a piece of muslin, and laid it over the wax. She gently rubbed the fabric over the wax, and patted it a few times for good measure. So far, so good. I was getting a hot oil massage. Then....

Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiip.

I let out a sound that nature cannot duplicate. It was akin to a gorilla giving birth to a six headed full term hippopotamus. Without an epidural.

Gina jumped back, surprised. Surely I was not the first client to feel a slight amount of mild discomfort?

I looked at the fabric, and saw 12 inches of my long, black leg hairs hanging on for dear life. I reached down to feel my leg, only I couldn't. My leg was numb!

She had paralyzed me!!

Panic set in, and I began to get nervous. Gina assured me the numbness was only temporary, and within seconds, I re-gained feeling in my bald spot.

I wish I hadn't.

It felt like someone had, well, ripped my hairs out by the root. Fat baby! It hurt!

Gina picked up her popsicle stick covered in death goo and motioned for me to lie back down. Sicko! Was she insane? There was NO way she was doing THAT again.

Gina 1, Cici 0.

She did it again. And again, and again and again. After a mere 35 minutes, I had not one single hair to speak of from the knees down.

As I wrote a check for $40, I felt foolish. I was PAYING someone to torture me.

I went home, with very smooth legs, took two Advil and slept for the rest of the day.

Over the next few days, my legs stayed smooth. And two weeks later, they were still smooth.

They say you forget the pain of child birth, or no one would ever have more than one child.

Evidently, you also forget the pain of waxing, as I went back.

Six weeks later, I was staring at the tiled ceiling of Gina's salon, going through the motions all over again.

After the 4th year, it stopped hurting. I think that the wax has pulled the nerve endings from my legs.

I have since moved from Gina's city, and had to find a ~~torture maid~~ esthetician in my new 'hood.

I found one.

She is a large German woman, and I sincerely think she relishes in causing pain.

She asked me last month if I wanted the 'Valentine's Day special.'

Since this is a family blog, I won't share the torrid details of the special, but I will tell you that it involved waxing very scary things. I passed.

She asked if I wanted my mustache waxed too. I declined, and she said

"But you look like a man!"

Gee, thanks.

My point? Throw out your razors, and go get waxed! Your legs will look the best they ever have, and feel smooth.

I now only have to go every 8-10 weeks, and my hair grows soft and fine, not hard and stubble like.

Make sure you find an Esthetician- someone who is state licensed in skin care. The salon should be clean, bright and use auto-clave sanitation.

I conducted very scientific research (Ok, I called friends in three other states) and came to the conclusion that the average cost is $50.00 per visit.

Don't forget to tip!

And don't worry; it hardly hurts... if at all. <Snicker>

Until we meet again,

Cici

Cici@MyCoupons.com