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Happy to be stuck with you

mycoupons | 06 March, 2007 11:15

I plead guilty. By reason of insanity. I don't know what possessed me to get cheap. Maybe it was the cute packaging with cartoon bugs on it. Maybe it was the rock bottom price, maybe it was a momentary lapse in judgment. Whatever the reasons, it was wrong. I KNEW it was wrong. The end did not justify the means.

I cheated. I thought what I had was not good enough. I assumed that the grass was greener in someone else's yard. I was mistaken.

I bought diapers that did not say 'HUGGIES' on the package. <Audible gasp>

CVS lured me in. They know my weakness, and they prey upon that. They KNOW I am powerless to their antics. The words 'Buy one get one free' are eye candy to me. I would bring home two boxes of roaches, if they were BOGO.

How bad can they be, I wondered. Playskool is a recognizable brand. Half the toys in my house have that name on them. I grew up with Playskool toys. I trusted them. They wronged me.

CVS and Hasbro struck a deal in June of 2006 to exclusively market the Playskool brand of baby care items at CVS. Items available are diapers, wipes, cups, pacifiers, and other assorted sundries.

My local CVS offered these new products as BOGO. Matched with my $10 in Extra Care Bucks, I got two bags of diapers for free. In essence, these free diapers cost me more than I'll ever know.

Using my son to exploit my desires, I took him home and put him on his changing table. I proceeded to remove his bone dry Huggies and replace it with a fresh new Playskool diaper. He knew I was up to something. Sadly, his diaper is not usually changed until I realize he is on one side of the room, and his nine pound diaper is on the other. Most days he walks around with the sheer weight of his wet diaper fighting gravity.

I'm a second time parent. My daughter was changed every two hours whether she needed it or not. Wiped clean, powder, lotion and diaper rash cream were applied perfectly. With my son, my husband and I have an unspoken game.

We have never discussed the rules or regulations, or even acknowledged that the game exists. But, we both know it does. It's called ' who can pretend they didn't realize the baby needs to be changed the longest.' The view of my poor son walking around like he has a cantaloupe between his legs is merely a warm-up. It's when he decides he has other business to attend to that the real game begins. There could be flies swarming around him before one of us will flinch, and change him. But, I digress.

As I diapered my son in his new duds, I noticed that the artwork on these new diapers is very feminine. Not a problem if you have a girl, but if you have a son, it is a bit girly. The diapers are covered in a light purple swirl- almost flower like print.

I also noticed that they seemed narrow. My son is healthy. He is not overweight, but he is meaty. So meaty in fact that we have cashed in our 401 (K). We figure with a build like his, he is our golden parachute. First round draft pick for the Steelers, indeed.

So narrow diapers and ba-dunk-a-dunk baby booty are not a match made in heaven. I proceeded, calling myself a diaper snob. I went to fasten the tabs onto the diaper. The left one ripped off in my hand. Ok, ok, I was just excited. I did not realize my own strength. I just reached for flower power diaper number two.

Diaper number two. The left tab, though very small and limpy, closed fine. As for the right tab, well, let's just say, it was no longer attached to the diaper by the time I had my way with it. It was stuck. With invisible glue. So, I gave it a little tug, and off it came. Perfect.

By this point, my son was looking at me quizzically, not quite sure why he was exposed and cold on the changing table. He seemed to be trying to make sense of the fact that I had just removed a perfectly good, dry diaper from his bottom, and was attempting to replace it with a broken one.

On to diaper number THREE. It was backwards. No kidding. The tabs were sewn onto the FRONT of the diaper. Go figure. Diaper number four. No problems. All parts were present and accounted for, and in the correct location. I closed the diaper, pulled up my sons' pants, and went about my day.

Eight minutes later, I noticed my son's butt was soaking wet. Off with his pants, I realized his right butt cheek was not covered by diaper. The poor child had a diaper wedgie. An ATOMIC diaper wedgie even. And of course, when he went pee-pee, ( tinkle? Wee-wee? whizzies?) the urine shot right down the inseam of his diaper and down his leg.

On to diaper number FIVE and a new outfit. The Taco Bell that my son had for lunch ( I'm kidding- it was Chicken and Stars!..jeez) kicked in about 20 minutes later. Let's just suffice it to say that the aftermath of that incident required a bath and the assistance of a professional carpet cleaning service. (Free Diapers now cost me $85!)

After his bath, I put a Huggies on him, and sat down to call Playskool. I was going to give them a piece of my mind. I was going to DEMAND a full refund of my FREE diapers. I was going to threaten litigation.

Once I explained my plight to the customer service representative- she went on to tell me that there have been 'THOUSANDS of complaints' and that "Quality control was looking into improvements.' Well, then. Whatever.

I asked what I should do with these packs of diapers, since one was missing five. She reminded me they were a CVS exclusive product, so I could return both to the store no questions asked. She then offered to send me a coupon good for a free bag of diapers. Well, OK! Sign me up! I'll take free! I'll just trade it on the coupon board!

I returned both bags to CVS, and they really didn't ask me any questions. I guess I was not the first unhappy diaper purchaser.

I am happy to inform you that we are back in Huggies. Never to stray again. Cost is no object. I am brand loyal to a fault. We started diapers as a Huggies family, and we will end diapers as a Huggies family.

Then again, I see Walgreen's is having a good deal on LUVS next week.......

Until we meet again,
Cici

Cici@MyCoupons.com