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Paging Dr. Morgan, please pick up the white courtesy phone

mycoupons | 27 February, 2007 11:15

I'm sick.

Again.

My daughter is a walking magnet for germs. She is in pre-school and picks up every sniffle, sneeze and cough that comes into the school. Being my daughter, she is a giver. So, she shares with me. We have been sick about 14 times since September.

Yesterday, I felt the twinge in my throat. That dry feeling when I swallowed. You know the feeling. Don't you? Your throat goes dry and your inner voice says "Uh oh- I'm getting sick." Try all you want, it's coming at you like a train, and you are helpless. You cannot stop it, and you just KNOW you are going to wake up tomorrow feeling worse. Mentally, you think about the next week, and fret about the plans you have, and how the timing of this couldn't be worse.

I was talking to my friend Sara (Of car shopping fame) last night, and told her our weekend plans of fun and sun may be put on hold due to my untimely illness.

"Go get some Zicam!" She insisted. "It really works."

Now, as much as I love Sara, she is what some might refer to as..um.. different. At any given time, you can find herbal remedies in her purse, and she always smells like incense.

"Sara, I really don't believe in that alternative medicine stuff." I told her.

"Cici! Just try it. It really works, and it's safe. I mean, I'm not a doctor, but I know it works." She droned.

"Really?!?! You're NOT a doctor??? All along, I thought for sure you were performing cardiothoracic surgery when you said you were at yoga class! What a shocker!" I said.

"FINE! Be that way. And be sick! See if I care!" She said as she hung up on me abruptly. I assume she was paged to a GSW/MVA, complete with a chem 7, type and cross and a lavage. (I watch ER too much)

I spent the night coughing and sneezing, and feeling like I got run over by a truck. When the morning light came in my windows, I got out of bed, pulled back the curtains, and prayed that I would see fourteen feet of snow on the ground; so I'd have an excuse to stay in bed all day. There was no snow. I live in Florida. Darn global warming.

So I pulled myself out of bed, and went to CVS, to find some medicine to make me feel better. As I was reaching for a bottle of 'green death' (Nyquil) I saw Zicam.

Studying the wide array of choices, I felt sicker than before. Zicam comes in many forms. I could choose to spray it up my nose, or stick a cotton swab in my shnauz. As I guffawed at the thought, a woman next to me said "I use that! It really works!"

Do you know Dr. Sara Morgan, the world renowned cardiodthoracic surgeon? I wanted to ask.

Fine. I bought it. After much careful thought, I decided that sticking cotton swabs up my nose was not the route I wanted to go. I settled on the nasal mist.

Once I got home, I read the directions. Twice. The directions instructed me to place the bottle in my nose, and gently spray the fine mist into my nostril. DO NOT BLOW YOUR NOSE FOR 30 SECONDS! It warned me.

Ok. Here we go. I put the nozzle in my nose, and after 5 minutes of nerves, I accidentally squeezed too hard and sprayed it. OH. MY. GOD. What a horrible feeling that was! I had never used a nasal spray before. I swear I felt in my brain. Immediately, my eyes began to water, and my mouth tasted like I just ate a handful of pennies.

My nose started to run like a track star, and my first instinct was to grab a nearby paper towel and blow it. Then I quickly remembered the warning to NOT blow my nose. What would happen? Would my eyes pop out? Would my brain leak? Panic set in as I began to get lightheaded. I thought I was going to faint.

Instead of blowing my nose, I breathed out hard, with my mouth closed- like a raging bull. That only made it worse. After 30 seconds passed, I blew my nose for about three minutes. I also brushed my teeth and washed my face. There was NO WAY I was about to attempt that stunt with nostril number two. The Zicam went into the garbage.

Does it work? I don't know. Obviously the manufacturer intended for it to be used on BOTH nasal passages, every four hours. One nasal passage was enough for me, thank you very much.

Do I feel better? No. I feel worse. As I write this, my 'normal adult dosage', (plus a little extra for mommy) of Nyquil is kicking in. I should be asleep within the next ten minutes.

Sara can have her homeopathic spray of death. I'll stick to my green coma inducing juice. Talk to you next week when I wake up.

Until we meet again,

Cici

Cici@MyCoupons.com

P.S. My boss is starting to think that no one reads this except for my mom, and Sara (because she likes seeing her name in print) SO PLEASE, leave your comments!! See that little bubble under the title? Just click it and type! Nice comments are welcome, and appreciated. Negative comments will make me sad. Do you want that on your conscience?

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