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This one goes out to the one I love

mycoupons | 23 February, 2007 11:15

Seeing as how it is 'Free for all Friday,' I am going to let you, dear reader, get to know ME a little better. Incase you missed the earlier memo that was circulating-I will refresh your memory- it is ALL ABOUT ME. You need to know WHY I am like I am- why I have a great sense of humor, and why I look at the world with a bit of a skewed view- because if I didn't- I'd be in prison.

I love the man. I truly do. But yesterday's events made it crystal clear to me that I married a man who cannot walk and chew gum at the same time. My husband is a genius. Seriously. He was invited to join MENSA, and he would- if he could find his way to the meetings without being sidetracked by a fluffy dog on the side of the road.

My point is the man is so intelligent, that there is no room in his brain for common sense. He can multiply numbers in his head- in seconds! It makes for a great party game, having him rattle off numbers while people sit with calculators trying to stump him. But ask the man to program the VCR, and you may as well be asking him in Gaelic. But I digress.

We have cats. And with cats, come litter boxes. We use the plastic bags that we get at the grocery store to clean up said litter boxes. I also pack his lunch in the plastic bags. They are multi-functional, and very practical.

Yesterday, my husband cleaned out the litter box, tied up the bag, picked up his lunch and left for work. On his way to the car, he tossed the litter bag into the garbage.

At noon, my phone rang. "I brought the cat poop for lunch." He told me.

You did what!?!?

Yup. He threw his ham and Swiss on rye into the garbage pail, and put a bag full of cat poop in the refrigerator at work. I was laughing so hard that I didn't have the time to yell at him for being so thoughtless.

My life is full of these little stories. I am contemplating writing a book called '101 Reasons Why I Should Be Allowed To Kill My Husband' It could be a smashing success! I know I can't be the ONLY woman married to a grown child.

A few weeks ago, he brushed his teeth with Neosporin. Big tube of toothpaste that says COLGATE on the side and smells suspiciously like wintergreen or teeny tube of antibacterial jelly that smells and TASTES like Vaseline? He chose the latter. Evidently, he was thinking about something more important at the moment, like where he put his keys.

The keys. OH DEAR GOD, the keys. If I hear "Where are my keys?" one more time, I am going to snap like Britney Spears in a barber shop. I do not know where his keys are. They could be anywhere. And I mean ANYWHERE. Once we found them in the shower. Why? Your guess is as good as mine. And when he finds them, he says "They are ALWAYS the last place I look!" Of course they are- MORON! Why would you keep looking AFTER you found them??

One morning, I heard the phone ringing. I could not find the phone- I went on a hunt for it. Walking around the house listening for the rings after I pressed 'FIND' on the base unit, I found it. It was in the freezer. Of course it was. Where else would it be?

I swear he has it out for me. He likes to see how far he can push me until I snap. I am a garbage pail enthusiast. I have a little garbage pail in EVERY room of my house. Each week, when he empties the cans, and takes the garbage to the curb- he forgets one room. EVERY SINGLE WEEK! It's a different room each week, but there is always ONE PAIL that was not emptied.

He cannot be trusted with anything having to do with shopping. Period. When I was on bed rest during my pregnancy, I sent him to the grocery store with a list. He came home with exactly TWO things on my list of twenty-nine. Evidently, in his brain, Chunky Monkey ice cream is interchangeable with plums. Since I was on bed rest, I had plenty of time. I actually printed out pictures of what I wanted- brand logos and all. I pasted them into a notebook and sent him back the following week. He got it all right, but I am sure he spent the shopping trip looking like an overgrown toddler with a picture book.

At least he didn't bring home any cat poop.

Until we meet again,

Cici

Cici@MyCoupons.com

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