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Do you hear that loud ringing?

mycoupons | 28 February, 2007 11:15

Remember last week I told you the internet was your friend?

I was wrong. The internet is an evil thing.

I am still sick. In fact, I am worse than I was last night. I think that in addition to my cold, the Zicam burned off my nasal hairs and taste buds. I cannot smell or taste anything! I had an apple earlier, and it tasted like a potato. Of course, I am hungrier today than a bear waking up from hibernation. But what's the point in eating if you can't taste? It's like jumping into a hot pool on an August day.

As if the cough, chest congestion, runny nose and fever were not enough, I also have an eye infection. It's quite attractive. I took a nap earlier this evening, and when I woke up, I had the special treat of having to wash my eye with a wet washcloth just to open it. So, I did what every sane person does when they realize they are afflicted with a new malady.

I googled my symptoms.

It would appear by all accounts that I have the third strain of a Lebanese virus. There is no known cure. I am doomed.

Of course, considering that I have self-diagnosed myself with every disease and affliction out there, this new diagnosis is no surprise. My primary care physician may have graduated suma-cum-something from Harvard; but her medical knowledge and access to my personal history is no match for the resources on the web.

Last year, I had a headache for four days in a row. What started out as a tension headache, suddenly turned into spinal meningitis. I stopped short of performing a self spinal tap, but I was tempted. According to the email I get daily, I COULD earn my medical degree in my spare time. Hey! Sara and I can be co-workers!!

When I told my friend, Ginger about my new disease- she laughed me off. Until she called two days later to inquire if spinal meningitis was contagious. She had a headache, and it wouldn't go away. Miraculously, we both were cured.

According to my calculations, in addition to the meningitis, I have had cancer of every possible organ. I have also had pre-menopause, post partum depression, hangnail infections, and roaches living in my ears. My teeth itch, my hair hurts, and my leg throbs when it's going to rain.

Last week, my husband, updating our computers firewall, and no doubt googling his own symptoms, incredulously demanded to know "Why are you looking up EYELID cancer?!?"

I had a bump on my eyelid. There was no way it was anything BUT eyelid cancer.

Basically, I am an internet made hypochondriac.

If not for the internet, I would assume a headache was just a headache. Because of the internet, I now assume a headache is a pre-cursor to imminent brain explosion.

My doctor has stopped telling me things. I saw her a few weeks ago for my annual physical. She ordered some blood work, but instead of giving me the lab form, she said she would fax it to the lab for me. I offered to take it with me, but she refused.

"Oh No! You'll go home and look up every test I ordered. Then you'll wonder why I ordered the test, and assume it's because I see something in your eyes that tells me you have some strange disease. I know you too well, Cici."

Touche.

I have an appointment tomorrow night to go over the results of my labs. I am breaking out in a cold sweat at the thought of what she will tell me. In reality, I am a young woman, in moderately good health. My family history is pretty clean, and my lifestyle, while not perfect, is not horrible either. I should have no reason to worry- but according to Web MD- I have every disease known to man.

I am thinking of putting a net nanny type of software on my computer- to keep me from searching for medical information. Of course, this would hinder my progress in tracking my bird flu symptoms.

My friend, Stacey, a nurse, brushes me off when I tell her all of my problems. She said "You know, Cici, one day, many years from now, I'll be sitting at your funeral. I'm going to turn to the person next to me and say 'She was FINALLY right'."

The Nyquil is kicking into overdrive, and I think my fingertips are numb. Please keep the comments coming- I love them, and they encourage me to do better. And who knows? My boss might let me keep my job.

Until we meet again,

Cici

Cici@MyCoupons.com

Paging Dr. Morgan, please pick up the white courtesy phone

mycoupons | 27 February, 2007 11:15

I'm sick.

Again.

My daughter is a walking magnet for germs. She is in pre-school and picks up every sniffle, sneeze and cough that comes into the school. Being my daughter, she is a giver. So, she shares with me. We have been sick about 14 times since September.

Yesterday, I felt the twinge in my throat. That dry feeling when I swallowed. You know the feeling. Don't you? Your throat goes dry and your inner voice says "Uh oh- I'm getting sick." Try all you want, it's coming at you like a train, and you are helpless. You cannot stop it, and you just KNOW you are going to wake up tomorrow feeling worse. Mentally, you think about the next week, and fret about the plans you have, and how the timing of this couldn't be worse.

I was talking to my friend Sara (Of car shopping fame) last night, and told her our weekend plans of fun and sun may be put on hold due to my untimely illness.

"Go get some Zicam!" She insisted. "It really works."

Now, as much as I love Sara, she is what some might refer to as..um.. different. At any given time, you can find herbal remedies in her purse, and she always smells like incense.

"Sara, I really don't believe in that alternative medicine stuff." I told her.

"Cici! Just try it. It really works, and it's safe. I mean, I'm not a doctor, but I know it works." She droned.

"Really?!?! You're NOT a doctor??? All along, I thought for sure you were performing cardiothoracic surgery when you said you were at yoga class! What a shocker!" I said.

"FINE! Be that way. And be sick! See if I care!" She said as she hung up on me abruptly. I assume she was paged to a GSW/MVA, complete with a chem 7, type and cross and a lavage. (I watch ER too much)

I spent the night coughing and sneezing, and feeling like I got run over by a truck. When the morning light came in my windows, I got out of bed, pulled back the curtains, and prayed that I would see fourteen feet of snow on the ground; so I'd have an excuse to stay in bed all day. There was no snow. I live in Florida. Darn global warming.

So I pulled myself out of bed, and went to CVS, to find some medicine to make me feel better. As I was reaching for a bottle of 'green death' (Nyquil) I saw Zicam.

Studying the wide array of choices, I felt sicker than before. Zicam comes in many forms. I could choose to spray it up my nose, or stick a cotton swab in my shnauz. As I guffawed at the thought, a woman next to me said "I use that! It really works!"

Do you know Dr. Sara Morgan, the world renowned cardiodthoracic surgeon? I wanted to ask.

Fine. I bought it. After much careful thought, I decided that sticking cotton swabs up my nose was not the route I wanted to go. I settled on the nasal mist.

Once I got home, I read the directions. Twice. The directions instructed me to place the bottle in my nose, and gently spray the fine mist into my nostril. DO NOT BLOW YOUR NOSE FOR 30 SECONDS! It warned me.

Ok. Here we go. I put the nozzle in my nose, and after 5 minutes of nerves, I accidentally squeezed too hard and sprayed it. OH. MY. GOD. What a horrible feeling that was! I had never used a nasal spray before. I swear I felt in my brain. Immediately, my eyes began to water, and my mouth tasted like I just ate a handful of pennies.

My nose started to run like a track star, and my first instinct was to grab a nearby paper towel and blow it. Then I quickly remembered the warning to NOT blow my nose. What would happen? Would my eyes pop out? Would my brain leak? Panic set in as I began to get lightheaded. I thought I was going to faint.

Instead of blowing my nose, I breathed out hard, with my mouth closed- like a raging bull. That only made it worse. After 30 seconds passed, I blew my nose for about three minutes. I also brushed my teeth and washed my face. There was NO WAY I was about to attempt that stunt with nostril number two. The Zicam went into the garbage.

Does it work? I don't know. Obviously the manufacturer intended for it to be used on BOTH nasal passages, every four hours. One nasal passage was enough for me, thank you very much.

Do I feel better? No. I feel worse. As I write this, my 'normal adult dosage', (plus a little extra for mommy) of Nyquil is kicking in. I should be asleep within the next ten minutes.

Sara can have her homeopathic spray of death. I'll stick to my green coma inducing juice. Talk to you next week when I wake up.

Until we meet again,

Cici

Cici@MyCoupons.com

P.S. My boss is starting to think that no one reads this except for my mom, and Sara (because she likes seeing her name in print) SO PLEASE, leave your comments!! See that little bubble under the title? Just click it and type! Nice comments are welcome, and appreciated. Negative comments will make me sad. Do you want that on your conscience?

Got Milk?

mycoupons | 26 February, 2007 11:15

Milk is something I buy an awful lot of. Between my family drinking it, and me using it for 'other' things, I usually buy 4-5 gallons a week. You may recall that I asked my husband if we could buy a cow, and he balked. So instead, we pay close to $3 a gallon for this multi-functional liquid.

Yes, you can pour it over Count Chocula, or dunk your Oreos in it. You probably knew that milk was also a must when eating pie. But, I bet you didn't know what ELSE you could do with milk. Or did you?

Milk is the ONLY thing- besides hairspray that I have found will take ink stains off of clothes. Soaking a garmet in a nice cool milk bath for several hours will take the ink out of almost anything.

To remove tarnish from silver, add a splash of vinegar to some milk. Soak the item for about 15-20 mins, then rinse in warm sudsy water, and buff.

When thawing frozen fish for cooking, thaw it in milk. It will bring back the taste of the fish to 'just caught.'

If you have a piece of china with a crack in it, milk will usually fix it. Place the cracked piece in a pan, cover with milk and bring to a boil. Then reduce the heat to simmer for about 30-45 minutes. Remove and rinse.

Pour 1/2 cup of milk under running bath water. It will make your bath water soft and condition your skin.

If you work outside, and your hands are very dirty- a mixture of milk and oatmeal will make your hands look good as new.

Soothing bug bites with milk is better than caladryl lotion. Just rub some milk on the bite, and the itch will stop.

Milk mixed with a bit of warm water, and shaken well is an awesome make-up remover.

Milk will also make patent leather shoes shine again! Just put a little milk on dull areas, let it dry, and buff it off.

And what if you buy too much milk and it spoils? Use it to 'water' your outdoor plants, or make compost.

Sour milk is also great in muffins, and can be used as a substitute for buttermilk in most recipes!

So drink up, it's good for your bones!

Have a great week!

Until we meet again,

Cici

Cici@MyCoupons.com

Holy Wholesale!

mycoupons | 25 February, 2007 11:15

I like to eat. I do NOT like to cook. What a puzzler!

When we were newlyweds with no children, this was not a problem. My husband and I both worked full time jobs with high demands. Most days, we wouldn't see each other until 8P.M. One of us would inevitably bring home Chinese food, full course Italian dinners;take out from our favorite Mexican place or a gourmet pizza. This was financially easy, since we were DINK's (Double income, no kids.)

And on the nights when we would work late or forget to stop for dinner, we were happy to exist on tortilla chips and ice cold Corona's.

When we found out we were expecting our daughter, we decided I would be a stay at home mom after her birth. I promised my husband I would be the quintessential stay at home mom. I filled his head with notions of a perfectly clean house, folded and pressed laundry and home cooked meat and potatoes meals hot and ready when he walked in the door every night. How June Cleaver of me!

Not so much. My husband will quickly tell you that I sold him a bag of goods. Our house is clean-but only for about two hours every other Thursday- when my cleaning lady comes. Our laundry has taken on a life of its own. Just opening the door to the laundry room makes me cringe. Sometimes a problem gets so big, there is no solving it. So I just ignore it. As for dinner on the table- If deli sliced ham and tater tots are considered meat and potatoes, we are all set!

So how does a family survive when that family loves to eat, hates to cook, and cannot get through a restaurant meal that doesn't include tokens and singing rats?

They shop at Costco! I spend approximately $300 a month at Costco. I am addicted to their freezer section. They have a huge selection of oven to table meals. Granted, most portions are big enough to feed a colony of praire dogs, but they re-freeze well. I estimate that I spend $6 per meal, including a salad or side dish.

Joining and shopping at wholesale warehouses such as Costco, BJ's and Sam's Club can be cost effective if you shop correctly. Instead of buying the single serving size bags of pretzels and chips, buy a five pound bag, and separate them yourself into Ziploc bags. I have found that all meats that my family eats are cheaper. Of course, nothing screams 'CARNIVORE' like tossing 15 pounds of ground beef into your shopping cart.

If you have a small family, or just don't think you have use for 214 rolls of Charmin, find a neighbor, or friend who is willing to go half and half with you. You could split the cost of the membership, and shop together. 107 rolls of Charmin are easier to store anyway.

All of these stores have their own coupons, which they mail to their members, or hand out at the entrance. Match these coupons with their already low prices, and you could be the proud owner of a ten gallon drum of ranch dressing at a bargain basement price.

Try them out for one day without buying a membership! Costco will give you a pass at the guest services desk, and you can print out passes for BJ's and Sam's Club online!

Happy shopping, and DO NOT buy a 25 pound of M&M's! It IS possible to eat them all in one sitting. Or so I've heard!

Until we meet again,

Cici

Cici@MyCoupons.com

Here's to you Mrs. Robinson!

mycoupons | 24 February, 2007 11:15

My friend, Charlene is ~~thirty four~~ twenty-six years old. She is a soccer mom if ever there is one. But, she is by all accounts, the neighborhood 'Hottie.' To say she uses her uber- cute mom status to her advantage is an understatement. She has pulled off some awesome feats in her time just by flashing her Crest whitestrip smile. So imagine my giddiness when she took to flirting with the sixteen year old clerk that works the night shift at our local CVS. Not only does he let her in on trade secrets, such as when the next delivery of fresh milk will arrive, but he shares with her the most coveted item a CVS shopper could ever acheive- He gives her the sales flyer three days early! Charlene, knowing full well that I have many pictures of her at block parties, some of which would make every thirteen year old ' You Tube' watcher quite happy; has agreed to share the golden goose with me. I, being the giver that I am, will share with you. Get your Extra Care cards ready, it's gonna be a bumpy week!

Extra Care Buck Deals for 2/25-3/4

$5 back on L'Oreal experte hair color.

$2 back on Clairol hair color or Nice-N-easy root touch-up.

$9.49 back on Maybelline superstay lip color - This makes it FREE!

$5 back on any Preventin product.

$3 back on Dove skin vitalizer.

$4 back after you buy TWO L'Oreal Pro vive shampoo or conditioner.- (I have enough of this to last me until the next century!)

$1 back on one Listerine product: Includes- Listerine whitening 32 oz, 1.5 L Advance and 1.5 L assorted antiseptic.

$1 back on Efferdent 120 count or Efferdent plus 108 count .

$2 back when you buy TWO Carefree or Stayfree maxi or ultra thin pads. Includes 28-48 count or 106- 120 count pantiliners.

$4 back on First Response pregnancy test.

$2 back when you buy THREE Planters peanuts 16 oz size. ( If you have a pet elephant, this is an AWESOME deal!)

FREE STUFF IS AWESOME!!!

Buy any Gillette fusion or Venus cartridges and get Gillette fusion or Satin Care shave gel for FREE!

Spend $15 on any skin effects products, and get skin effects cleanser (6.6 oz)or the 5.5 oz scrub FREE!

Buy any Mach 3, Gillette Sensor 3, M3 Power, fusion or venus cartridges(4 or 8 count) and get Gillette foamy, fusion, mach 3, or satin care shaving cream-FREE!
Buy one get one 50% off

Physicians Formula mineral wear
Physicians Formula baked pyramid eye shadow
Physicians Formula Eye brighteners
Physicians Formula powder pallette
ALL Lumene cosmetics
ALL Trim beauty tools
Conair & Scunci hair accessories
Nature's Bounty fish oil
Nature's Bounty flaxseed oil
Foster Grant reading glasses (Who's that behind those Foster Grants?)
ALL Icy Hot products
Special K protein bars
ALL Palmer's skin care
ALL Johnson's baby care

ALL Balmex

CVS jumbo diapers
CVS kid pants
CVS Food storage bags

BOGO BOGO BOGO

Sun Light dish soap
All Mead envelopes
CVS brans envelopes
CVS power flash cameras (27 Exp.)
CVS alkaline batteries AAA and AA (4 pack)
CVS alkaline Batteries C or D (2 pack)
CVS alkaline Battery 9-Volt (1 pack)
Campbell's tomato& chicken noodle soup
Post cereals
Folger's coffee (13 oz)
Werther's candies( Regular & sugar free)
Riesen candies
ALL CVS vitamins
All CVS minerals

As for Walgreens, word around the campfire is that Coke Zero products are $3 per 12 pack this week, and there is a $2 coupon on page 10 of their rebate book. A 12 pack of Coke for a buck is a great deal! Imagine how many toilets you could clean!

Happy Shopping!

Until we meet again,

Cici

Cici@MyCoupons.com

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